glass half full or half empty?

I’ve entered the world of blogging. Well, I’ve been a part of it for over a year now, but I’ve only just realised how big it is and how many people are doing it. We all have a voice, we all have an opinion and people are wanting to be heard (or read). I guess it’s made me acknowledge how insignificant I am in the scheme of things but if we bloggers get together we can make a difference.

Anyway, that’s not what I am going to write about today – that’s for another entry. I was reading a blog which happens to by a person who has Dysautonomia (not FD) and she asked and answered the question:

What would she do if she didn’t have Dysautonomia for a day?

The question took me aback for a moment and it has got me thinking. What would I do if I didn’t have FD for a day?

To be perfectly honest, one answer would be pretty darn boring and the other one would be X-rated I think.

I am extremely conscious of my condition, especially lately due to the cold weather, so to go for a day without having to think about it would be so nice. To be able to walk down the street and not having to count my steps or make a conscious effort of having to lift my leg sounds amazing. I would be able to window shop and skip into a shop and try on a mini skirt without having to manouver Scarlet. I would try on some red high heels with the skirt and twirl around in front of the mirror and laugh.

I would buy that skirt and pair of heels and wear them to a bar that night and walk down the stairs without having to cling to the rail or my friend. I would  buy a cocktail (or get some guy buy it for me) and make my way to the dance floor without having to hold someones hand and just dance by myself and laugh again. Or maybe that guy who bought me a drink would twirl me onto the dance floor.

But I’ve jumped way ahead. I haven’t even mentioned how I would start my day. Simply put, it would involve a run in the morning, or swimming, depending on the weather, followed by a day filled with wandering the streets while wearing clothes that would emphasize my lovely physique.

I told you it would be boring, but that’s ok. Sometimes boring is good and easy and not intense in any way. I think when a person has a chronic illness, disability, or even an illness, every little movement takes a lot of time and thought. This can be exhausting and by the end of the day – or 6pm, you’re ready for bed.

So, of course, if I had an FD free day it would be pretty amazing. But the question also got me thinking about how FD is a part of who I am and without it I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing or exploring the things I want to do in the future.

I tend to under estimate myself and forget what I have achieved. Because I developed a disability I decided to look for a social work university placement within the disability sector and I then sort out other paths, such as the radio show, the blog, public speaking and so forth.

And the thing that hits me is that I’m good at what I do. I’m not great, but I have the potential to be great.

I know that I have lost focus in this entry, but hopefully you have been able to work out (as I have just worked out) that I am happy with who I am and without my FD I might not have turned out this  way.

So I guess I don’t need to imagine what an FD free day would be like and just “keep on keepin’ on”.


One thought on “glass half full or half empty?

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